An Introduction to your Inner-Critic
Meet your inner critic
The good old inner-critic. Whether you are aware of yours or not, we all have one and it’s worth starting to listen in to identify what it’s saying. A moderate inner critic isn’t too much of a problem, but this is something that can easily run out of control and before you know it, it’s having a significant negative impact of your self-esteem, confidence and nervous system.
What sort of thing might it be saying?
It’ll be different for everyone. Typically, it is harsh, unsupportive and critical of your efforts or it is anticipating your failure – generally really unhelpful! We can be so horrible to ourselves; far nastier than we’d ever dream of being to someone else.
Don’t recognise this? Be warned, it may just be more subtle than that and still be impacting you. Perhaps it has a tendency to compare you to other people, or maybe it sounds rational but is actually undermining you.
It could also be that you’ve projected your inner-critic onto others and interpret their comments as criticism against you, when it isn’t. Another possibility is that you frequently find fault with others. Classic projection. Guess what – those things that most irritate you in others…. Yep, you probably know what’s coming next. That’s right. Those are things you most dislike in yourself, even if you’re not consciously aware of it.
If you suffer at the hands of a strong inner critic, then there’s actually a piece of good news in that. Your inner critic is fuelled by your own power; you’ve just turned it against yourself. You have that powerful side to your nature and you can bring it back to work for you, rather than against you. It’s time to reclaim your power!
It’s not just you. It’s everyone.
Humans have an inner-critic for a very good reason. 30,000 or so years ago when we were developing into ‘thinking’ humans, our primary concern was survival. It was imperative that we were alert to danger in our environment. It was also imperative that we were acceptable into our group. As social animals, the group represented safety (and therefore survival). The inner critic developed as a means of protecting us in that sort of environment: by monitoring our actions and behaviour, it kept us acceptable and safe.
Back then our primary concerns may have been along the lines of acceptance within the group, looking out for attack, finding safety in belonging or finding a partner. We’re not really so very different now. However, the world has changed beyond recognition and yet we remain hard wired to look out for and anticipate danger and rejection. It makes sense that our brains are like Velcro for negativity. It’s just the way we have evolved.
Does it really affect me?
I’m not being overly dramatic when I say that our thinking patterns bear a direct relationship to the quality of our lives and our level of contentment within our lives. Most of us are lost in our thoughts much of the time and if the themes are generally negative, the resulting state can be anything from feeling a bit down to deeply depressed. It can also put us on edge, driving up our nervous system and sucking the joy out of our lives. Not a pleasant way to live. It’s amazing to consider that thinking patterns can become so habitual that it is just accepted as a part of who we are. It’s like we end up sleep-walking through our lives, we normalise to it so much; we don’t even see it anymore.
Wouldn’t it be great if it went away?
Okay, so getting rid of it completely isn’t going to happen; it’s got a job to do after all and we do still need to be able to reflect on ourselves, but we can definitely aim to bring some perspective and quieten it down. If you want to get control of it, it’s time to start raising your awareness!
Raising your awareness is key
This is the biggest piece of work and comes before taking any action to defend yourself against your inner-critic. We can’t defend against something that we don’t know is there.
It’s worth starting to listen carefully and learning to recognise what it is saying. Notice the tone, the choice of words, the content and the general themes. This becomes easier and quicker over time, but it does take effort, especially at the beginning. Be kind and patient with yourself.
I find a mindful approach can really help here: You are more than your thoughts. Thoughts are just mental events in your brain. Once you understand this concept, it’s possible to separate yourself, take a step back and become the silent observer behind the busy content of your mind! Aim to notice and release each thought with a non-judgemental attitude of genuine curiosity: “Ooh, that’s interesting!”
I highly recommend giving ‘thought journaling’ a go. For a week or two, try to note down the patterns of thoughts that are bothering you most. You’ll likely find that a huge majority of your negative thinking is centred on just a few themes. Taking a little time to reflect at the end of each day will bring a lot of helpful insights and clarity.
Once you’ve done the work and you’ve gained the awareness, you’ll be able to get more space from it with ongoing practice. At this stage some people like to give their inner-critic a name, which is a nice trick and serves to create even more distance. What would you call yours?
Enough for now
I hope you have found the information helpful. Good luck with your practice in becoming aware. Next time, I’ll share some ways in which you can defend yourself from that nasty inner-critic.
If you have any questions or if there is anything I can help you with in the meantime, please feel welcome to contact me.